Archive for ‘Sex’

June 16, 2010

A New Level of Trust

So, as far as I’m concerned, my relationship with Alex has reached whole new level of trust. I let Alex put his dick somewhere this morning that I never intended to let a guy go again. Every other guy has had a smaller dick than him and hurt me when I tried anal with them. But none of them would be slow or gentle and they wouldn’t stop when I said it started to hurt, so I swore to myself I would never do it again. But, I’m on my period, so I can’t do anything and I woke up in the middle of the night playing with his dick. I guess I was dreaming about making love to him or something.  We sat there and played around for a couple hours because of it, and I’ve let him put his finger in my ass. It’s small so it feels really good, but this time he was rubbing his dick on my asshole and it felt really good and it was wet so it would slide across well. He sat there and played with it for a long time till the tip just kid of slid in. We actually had it in for quite a while. It didn’t get that deep, but it actually felt wonderful and he was so gentle and made me feel so good. He got more than the head in, that’s for sure. It just proves he  really is my soulmate. I completely trust him with my body, heart, and soul and I don’t even have to try. Everything he does feels good to me and I know he would never intentionally hurt me. He always says the greatest things in bed too. Like telling me how he loves having a freaky little girl. And I absolutely love being able to trust him enough to do all that freaky stuff with him. It seems like everything he suggests to try, I totally enjoy it. I don’t think I could enjoy my sex life this much with anyone else. He knows exactly what to say and do, and where to touch to make me ecstatically happy and incredibly turned on. I am soo damn lucky to have gotten my hands on him.  He is my perfect man. Not just the fact that our bodies seem like they were created for each other, (I let him do things that other girls wouldn’t even try and hardly any girl could handle the size of his cock but it’s perfect to me.) but he makes me happier emotionally than I ever thought possible. Don’t get me wrong, we have our fights but I would not give it up for the world. That dick, those incredible abs, that heart of gold, and that beautiful mind are all mine.

June 12, 2010

I really love sex. Well, I really love sex with Alex. Never, ever had better. I never really expected to find sex this good. I will admit, I have slept with more than my fair share of men, but he is by far the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I am so sore inside right now, but it was well worth it. I never really thought I could find a dick I could be content with for the rest of my life, but I honestly can’t imagine making love to anyone else now. Even remembering sex with other guys is vague and fuzzy. Like I never really had sex before him.

He’s amazing in so many other ways, too. He has so many talents I couldn’t even begin to name them. Makes me sad he works in a steel shop. All that wasted ability and creativity. I’m pushing for him to take night classes in something, anything. It would make him happier. He needs challenges. He’s constantly trying to find ways to challenge himself at everything.

It’s time for me to get off here now. I had no sleep last night and I’m sick. Goodnight and peace, love and crabs.

June 2, 2010

All Dressed Up With Nothing to Do

I just don’t get how the best nights can take these amazingly abrupt turns into total bullshit. My boyfriend is being an asshole and I don’t know what to do about it. We were supposed to go to a concert tonight, but  it was cancelled, so we went out to eat. Afterwards, we went to Priscillas and I got some cuffs and outfit. We came home, I put on my outfit and we watched a movie. Throughout the movie, he’s squeezing my ass and rubbing on me cause I’m wearing my new outfit. Halfway through, he stops the movie and asks if I want to go lay down. Thinking I’m gonna get laid, I go with him and sit there for 30 minutes while he smokes a cigarette and chills waiting for him to do something. Finally I roll over and say forget it, since apparently I’m not going to get anything. After that it turns into a fight. All of it leads back to the fact that he’s said all these different romantic things he’s done for other girlfriends and I haven’t seen anything. Supposedly, I’m better to him than any of them, but I don’t get to be romanced. And I don’t even have to be romanced, just being dominated would be great. But he said the reason because he was relaxing and was going to have a little romance before we did anything, but I’m sitting there in lingerie and I’m waiting 20 minutes, so I gave up.Don’t get me wrong, I would absolutely love something romantic. I’ve pretty much never experienced it. Alex did buy me a sweet card one day, but he also brought a 19 yr old chick home from the store with him that day (long story). So it kind of ruined the gesture for me. I wish he would make some genuinely romantic gestures. I’ve never had any really and I want to spend my life with him. I want to get the things he says his other girlfriends got. It really fucks with me and hurts.

May 27, 2010

I am so amazingly fucked up, I’m surprised I can type. And I’m not even using spellcheck. Wow. This is probably gonna be one of those posts I look at tomorrow and delete cause I should never have posted it in the first place. I should just go to bed and yet I sit here contemplating nothing really. Alex wants me to go to bed and I want him to slam me up against a wall and fuck me. I’m tired of always being the aggressor in bed. I’ve never had this problem before. Why do I want him so bad? Better question, why doesn’t he want me as much as I want him? I am amazingly hot, I fuck like a porn star, I’m doing my best to learn to deepthroat for him. I actually want to deepthroat his cock. WTF! Yet somehow I always feel like I have to go to him for it. It’s like my past relationships turned around. Wow. Maybe tripping actually helps me think things through. I have reversed the roles from every other relationship I’ve been in, which makes me the asshole now. I get it now and it’s too complicated to explain but I have had one of those shroomie epiphanies and it’s all my fault. Luckily, he’s loyal so I can fix it. I have time ot fix it. But I will have to remember patience. I’m the one who fucked up in the first place. I can’t be Will and I see what I’m truning myself into. I have to make a list of rules to remind myself what I need to do. How sad I’m tripping and learning how to fix my life before I fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

  1. Patience I fucked up our perfect relationship, now I have to fix it.
  2. If he is treating me in a way differently from when we first met, don’t react to it. Anger is what I have conditioned him to expect.
  3. DO NOT YELL Nothing is worth getting that angry over. Breathe and take 1 minute to tell myself it is not that big a deal.
  4. He is only distant from me because a) he doesn’t understand my mood swings and b) he needs solitary time too.
  5. Don’t sweat all the damn small stuff. I take everything in life far too seriously.
  6. Stop yelling at the girls everything they do is small stuff and I have conditioned them to expect yelling and meaness too.
  8. If I am not nicer to him I will lose him. I should tell myself that everytime I get mean.
  9. Remeber that I am extra mean to people and overly critical of everything.

Wow I could really just look at all this and hate myself but instead.. I am going to say I am only 25 and my children are still young. My anger problems have not permanently damaged my children or my relationship with my boyfriend. I still have time to fix myself and the realtionships with all of the people most important to me. I will start looking at everything around me and realizing that it is all just small shit. I have a roof over my head, food on my table, children and a man who love me and are willing to put up with my awful attitude and mood swings. My children don’t deserve the anger I throw their way and I will stop doing it.I will get up in the morning tomorrow and tell my daughters I love them. I will seat myself at a chair and a table in the center of the room and I will not raise my voice in an unpleasant emotion 1 time. If I discipline my children I will calmly put them in timeout and I will not yell at them. If I feel my boyfriend is doing something wrong or I want to get upset with him, I will realize it does not matter. Whatever I am mad about is not important and I probably shouldn’t even be mad. I will remind myself every hour of the day that I have anger issues and I have absolutely no reason to be mad. Smile and enjoy my wonderful life. In 2 or 3 weeks everything will be back to how it was when we first got together. It’s me that changed and it caused him to change. Now I have to fix it to have my Alex back. And my girls deserve a calmer, more loving mother.

I feel pretty sober now. The trip is come down and I should go to sleep but I’m glad I figured this out tonight.

May 24, 2010


I used to work at Family Video a few years back and I hated that place. I ended up getting fired because I was supposedly not a team player, but the real reason was that I pissed off the guy who was sleeping with the assistant manager. You know, ignore the fact that he was like 17 and still in high school. I turned him down when he hit on me and he just didn’t like that. Anyways, I found this conversation on a website and it just hit my funny bone.

Learning By Example

Video Rental | Vancouver, BC, Canada

Coworker: “Whoops, looks like there’s a 30 cent late fee on here for [movie]. It was returned a day late, so your total will be $6.25.”

Customer: “What?! That’s impossible! I returned it the day after I rented it!”

Coworker: “Well, it was a seven day rental, and it shows here that you returned it a day late at 6:13 pm.”

(The customer continues to argue very loudly with my coworker, yelling out things like, “Do you know who I am?!” However, I tune it out because a regular customer comes up to my register.)

Me: “Hi, Mr ***!”

Regular: “Hey ***, love the hair. What’s the damage?”

Me: “Oh boy, $43.76 in late fees? Where did you go this time?”

(The regular leans way over into the other customer’s face and speaks loudly.)

Regular: “$43.76 in late fees, you say? Here is my debit card, miss!”

(He pulls his debit card out of his wallet with a big flourish.)

Regular: “Boy, I should learn to return my movies on time, which is clearly not the fault of this establishment!”

(The other customer shuts up, quickly pays, and leaves.)

Me: “You’re my favorite.”

Regular: “I know.”

(We waived half his fees and gave him a free rental.)

I just had to share it. Too damn good. I had quite a few customers like that. Wish I had more of the good customers, though.

I know I should get back to my homework, but I’m still trying to blow some times. Watching 40 Days and 40 Nights right now. Poor damn guy. I can’t imagine going that long without sex. Alex and I have gone for like2 weeks and we’re at each others throats fighting because we’re both so sexually frustrated. I have never wanted a guy like I want him. Sex with him is fucking explosive, orgasmic, insane both emotionally and physically. It is a mixed blessing though. Unlike other guys, where  a 10 minute quickie is fine and dandy, with Alex, I have to have more. 15 or 20 minutes is only a tease. I’ve never had this before and I hope it stays this way for the rest of our lives. Mmm Amazing rock hard stomach. Fuck, I’m just making my self horny again. I’m off my period now and this day needs to just pass by so I can get laid tonight. Alex said I have a sex drive like a man. Oh well, It’s only with him. That’s the crazy part.

May 15, 2010

Mmmm.. Morning Sex

There is just nothing like an orgasm in the morning to start your day off right. 😀 My man has the most amazing dick ever. Maybe just to me, but it’s PERFECT!!! I have been with a lot of men in my life, far too many honestly, but nobody can compare to him in bed. Or anywhere else we decide to have a little fun. He’s the first man who could make me orgasm during sex. Soo amazing. The weirdest part, to me at least, is that he says most other woman couldn’t handle sex with him because his dick is too big. Which, don’t me wrong, I love his dick, I find hard to believe because his dick is not that big. Large yes. Probably the biggest I’ve had, but not scary big. I just love what he does with it. Mmmm.. gives me tingles just thinking about

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